Yesterday, a friend sent me several pictures of my brothers that I had never seen before. I posted one on social media and attached another to this post. I’ve written about my brothers previously, as they have impacted my life immeasurably.
Since it is the weekend, I will keep this simple. I am grateful for my brothers.
Death is inevitable. It leaves a trail of sorrow for those left behind. There are so many unanswered questions. Yet, one thing is certain . My brother is dead. We buried his remains today. Jason Harris
I wrote the quote above just over four years ago on the day I buried my oldest brother, Jeff. I vividly remember writing those words and can still feel the pain, anger, sadness, and confusion I experienced. I will always remember. I don’t believe you ever forget the pain of losing someone you love so deeply.
The five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are commonly understood as a sequential journey, often thought to unfold in a specific order. However, since the loss of my brother, I’ve found myself navigating these stages in various sequences and sometimes experiencing them all in one day. Most days, I come to a place of acceptance, though it’s a difficult journey, and I embrace that feeling as best as I can, knowing it’s a part of the healing process. Yet, I often wonder: is it truly possible to fully heal from such a profound loss?
Today marks several significant events. It’s the 15th day of the gratitude challenge, which means we’ve reached the halfway mark. It’s also 10 days past the election. Most importantly, today is my brother’s birthday; he would have been 64.
Today’s challenge invites us to transform a negative experience into a positive reflection. Let’s take a moment to think about those who are no longer with us. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions, and acknowledging the impact they had on our lives is important. We can hold on to the gratitude for the moments we shared with them, cherishing their memory. Although we may not be able to thank them directly, we can honor their legacy and the positive influence they brought into our lives. This act of remembrance allows us to celebrate the love and lessons they imparted, keeping their spirit alive in our hearts.
As I post this, I will be on a reflective walk to remember a difficult time.
This is a story that many people have heard before. It all started on September 4, 2020, when my oldest brother tested positive for the Covid19 virus. This was a time when there were no known effective treatments or vaccines available. He had to isolate himself until he was no longer showing any symptoms. According to common wisdom, if you could make it through 11 days from the diagnosis without experiencing major symptoms, chances were that you would be fine. September 15 would be Day 11.
For the most part, I received good reports about my brother: oxygen levels were good, temperature was mostly good, and no breathing problems. I remained cautiously optimistic. We just needed to get to day 11.
On the afternoon of September 14th, I received a report that my brother was feeling a bit agitated and had a slight fever. He was given something to help reduce his temperature. I was disappointed he still had a slight fever as I wanted all symptoms gone. Unfortunately, this would be the last report I received.
At approximately 2:00 am, I was awoken by the sound of the doorbell and my dog’s barking. When I opened the door, I was met by a local police officer who delivered the unfortunate news that my brother had passed away in his sleep. Regrettably, he became the 200th person in South Dakota to succumb to COVID-19.
It’s been four years since this happened. This day brings up a lot of emotions, but most of all, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I mourn the fact that my brother spent the last 10 days of his life in isolation. I grieve for the many who lost their lives to this virus. It’s heartbreaking that a virus became a tool for political gain. But above all, I miss my brother dearly. Although I didn’t visit him as often as I should have, he was always in my thoughts.
If you have known me for a while, you know that I am obsessed with taking at least 10,000 steps every day. My streak is 1627 consecutive days with at least 10,000 steps, or 4 years, 5 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days. It’s an impressive achievement, and while someday it will end, for now, it is a beautiful testament to dedication and perseverance.
Enough about me. The most beautiful sight today was seeing pictures of my brother at a local county fair. Witnessing the joy of those you love is, perhaps, the most beautiful thing in the world.
Sireadh Toileachas 