Author: HarrisGroup

JMH Blog

What questions are you asking?

One of my good friends is a philosopher. He doesn’t wear tweed, smoke a pipe, or work at Harvard. He is curious and inquisitive about many topics. Most conversations with him involve many questions. Often, he answers questions with a question. While this can be annoying, it forces one to think deeper. The questioning requires you to ask better questions.

If the answers are within, asking good questions yields good answers. Likewise, asking poor questions yields poor answers. For instance, if I ask “Why can’t I lose weight?” Neither the answer nor the question empower one to lose weight. But what if you ask “Why do I want lose weight?” My answer is to be healthy and happy. What if I ask another question? “Why do I want to be healthy and happy?” What if I kept asking questions based on my answers. When I did this, I ended with a powerful why and it lead me to how.

The better the question the better the answer. The more questions you ask, the better you get and asking questions. But I’m going to warn you, this process is challenging. It is frustrating. It’s easy to give up. However, if you keep at it, you will find the answers.

Further, if you can combine questions with identity-based habits, you are on your way to achieving what you want. Identity-based habits are discussed more fully by James Clear in his book Atomic Habits. You can learn more here.

“Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are. The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader. The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner. The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.” –

-Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

Start today by asking better questions. What kind of person do you wish to become and why do you want to become that person? Once you answer those questions, spend the rest of the day living like the person you want to become.

700 Days

At the beginning of the pandemic, I set a goal to walk for 10,000 steps (approximately 5 miles) every day until the pandemic was over. I started on March 1, 2020. Yesterday, while walking my dog, I completed 700 days.

While I am ready for the pandemic to be over, I am not ready for this streak to end. New goal is 1000 days. Focus forward.

The Answers are Within

I’ve told this story to close friends but not it distributed widely. It’s possible, only close friends will read this post and that’s okay.

I am not an overly religious person person and not a fan of organized religion. However, I am spiritual and do believe we each have a purpose in this life. Further, I believe there is something after this life which I hope is better.

Over 25 years ago, my father suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Though his health had been failing for years, his death was shock. No matter the circumstances, you are never ready to lose a family member.

At the time of his death, I was still in the early stages of my professional career and had recently started a new job. Our complicated and sometimes volatile relationship was improving. But now, with his death, our unresolved issues would remain. Further, I was thrust into a familial role I was not prepared to take. My mother looked to me for guidance. I longed for his wisdom, insight and support.

In the months following his death, I would often dream of spending time with him. In my dreams, we were often doing the things we did when he was living or things I wished we had done. In the dreams, there was no sense that we were living in different worlds as we were both alive.

Approximately six months after he died, I had another dream about my dad. This time it was different. This time it was clear I was living and he was not. The sensation still gives me chills.

The setting for the dream was in the house my parents were living when my father passed. My mom, sister and I were at the house when I stepped to the garage grab a cigarette and smoke (it was a nasty habit I had at the time).

When I entered the garage, my dad was there. I gave him a big hug. I felt a calm and peace that I have not felt since. In the garage, we talked about a lot of things while smoking. It was amazing. Imagine getting a

chance to spend a few more moments with someone you love after they pass.

At the end of our meeting, I asked him if he wanted to come inside and see my mom and sister. He looked at me and said “They aren’t ready to see me yet.” I was disappointed by his answer as I knew my mom and sister missed my dad as much as I did. I still don’t understand this part of the dream.

If the dream ended here, it would have been an amazing experience. But it didn’t end there. As we said our goodbyes, I asked my dad “When you die, do you get the answers to the questions?” My father looked at me inquisitively. “What do you mean?” he asked. I explained that I have always wanted to know the answers to many of the questions. Some serious and some not. What came first – the chicken or the egg? Is there a god? Will the Vikings ever win a Super Bowl? Once he understood what I was asking, my father looked at me and said, “The answers are within you, always”. And then he was gone.

I’ve spent the last 25+ years wrestling with his statement. Perhaps it means nothing and was just a dream. However, what if my dad was spot on? What if, we always have the answers within us? Does this mean that to have more success, you need a better questions?

I’ll end here, if the answers are within, asking better and empowering questions will lead to better and empowering answers.

One last thing, mark down 2026…that’s when the Vikings will win the Super Bowl.

Are you asking the right questions

A year ago, I had serious momentum on my new healthy lifestyle.  Nearing my original goal, I decided to improve my health even more and set a new goal. Wrote the goal down and looked at it often. The goal was specific. It was achievable and measurable. It was a great goal. In fact, it was so good that I achieved it.

How wonderful and good that I achieved my goal. Unfortunately, achieving the goal was not enough.  I forgot to appropriately celebrate what I had done. I was not fulfilled and wanted more. This is a mistake that I am correcting every day. Remember to celebrate your successes whether big or small. Losing over 60 pounds in four months AND keeping it off is amazing. 

For the past seven months, I have been trying to set and achieve a new goal. There is room for improvement. Again, I wrote down the goal.  The goal is specific, achievable, and measurable.  Alas, I have not achieved the new goal.

Why have I not achieved the goal?  I have spent the last few weeks pondering that question.  Over the next couple of blog posts, I will take some time to discuss the power of questions and the importance of asking good questions. Good questions result in good answers. Likewise, poor questions result in poor answers.

To achieve your goals, you must be able to answer why. I’ve written about this before. In my day job, students seek guidance about going to law school. I always ask them why. Why do you want to go to law school? Why do you want to be a lawyer? What is your outcome? How will it improve your life? I have my students do this because law school can be frustrating and there are days you may want to give up.  On those days, you must be able to answer why AND your answer must be a good answer.

So why haven’t I achieved the new goals? I’ll tell you more about that in the next blog post.  For now, take some time to consider what changes you want to make in your life and why you want to make the changes.  Is your why strong enough?

Happy New Year

I hope you don’t mind that I took a 10-day hiatus from blogging. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes you need a break. Both apply in this case.

In previous posts, I talked about the importance of why and focus. To change your life, you need to have a very strong why. It isn’t enough to want to do something. You must know why.

Why did I want to lose weight? I wanted to lose weight for many reasons. I wanted to be healthier (i.e. reduce health risks), to have more energy and vitality, and to be alive long enough to see my grandchildren graduate from high school and hopefully get married.

So why am I writing about why again? Many already know that my brother had some significant health issues recently. Many know he is a person with a developmental disability and is vulnerable. Last week, he was admitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of “failure to thrive.” This is a fancy way of saying he wasn’t eating enough. The hospital took good care of him and he is no longer failing to thrive. We still don’t know why he stopped eating but he is on the mend.

There were moments in the hospital when it was unclear what the outcome would be. It forced me to ponder mortality. I reflected on his mortality and my own mortality. This process reminded me of and reinforced my why.

So as a reminder to all, if you want to change, get a powerful why. It will help in the moments where you are tempted to give up. This past week, I was reminded why I am trying to live a healthier life. Have a great day and don’t forget to drink enough water!

Top Books I read in 2021

I spent much of 2021 working on me. It is the first time I made myself a priority. I engaged in learning and goal setting. I tried to move forward every day. I took time every day to learn. I took time to reflect on a regular basis. I’m not the same person I was one year ago.

Here are the best books I read this year (in no particular order)

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey – This book is a candid open look at his life. McConaughey kept a journal for most of his life. He incorporates the journals to ponder the first 50 years of life. The audio version is narrated by McConaughey and is excellent.

Atomic Habits by James Clear. This is an easy read. Clear supports his book with solid examples. Long story short, he reminds us that Rome was not built in a day and improvement is a series of small constant change.

Keep Sharp by Sanjay Gupta. This book was a little depressing. Gupta argues much of our aging is dictated by our genetics. Yet, Gupta provides solid examples and ideas one can implement to keep sharp for as long as possible.

Chatter by Ethan Kross – I didn’t like this book while I read it. Yet, I can’t stop thinking about it. We all have voices in our head. Kross argues this is normal. He further argues that one can harness the voices and use them to make your life better – or worse.

What were your favorite books of 2021? What did you learn? How did they impact you?

Top Achievements of 2021

What are my top achievements for 2021? This is a long list but mine it bore you with all the details. Here are my two –

One – I transformed my body and health. AND I maintained it. I AM 45 pounds lighter than this time last year. My weight has been fairly steady for the last 8 months.

Two – I navigated the transition to an empty nester. This was more challenging than anticipated. It impacted all aspects of life. It impacted home because things we quiet. The energy of youth is gone. It impacted professional. Though I love my current career, it’s less fulfilling because of the empty nest syndrome. It impacted my marriage. My wife and I spend more time together – just the two of us. This hasn’t happened since our dating days.

In closing, I wish everyone a very Happy Christmas.

Personal Lessons of 2021

I continue to reflect on the year that is 2021. I learned and relearned important lessons. Here a just a few things I learned this year:

  1. There is more commality among humans than diversity. Focus on what we have in common.
  2. Do not assume the worst in people. Most people are trying to their best.
  3. Making small changes each day will lead to big changes over time. Example: In Week 1, run (or walk) one mile. In week 2, add 300 feet (approximately the length of a football field). Add 300 more feet each week. After a year, you will run nearly four miles.
  4. Discover, understand, and live your values. This is the hardest of the four listed. It takes time to discover what you value, what that value means to you, and why you value it. It is a greater challenge to live your values.
  5. Read for fun.

Take some time to ponder your own personal lessons of 2021. Consider what you learned and how the lessons impacted your life.

Favorite People of 2021

In reflecting upon the year that was 2021, I think about the people who impacted my life. Why are these people my favorites? What did I learn about them this year? The list is long and perhaps too long for a blog post. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this blog post is 1000 words long because of these people. My favorites in a picture.

There are others that make my favorite list. Rather than list them here, I will write notes to them over the next few days. Perhaps you can do the same.

Favorite Moments and Memories of 2021

As 2021 comes to a close, I plan to spend some time reflecting upon the year that was and the year that will be. Likewise, I plan to share some of my thoughts here. I also hope that you take the time to reflect.

  1. When I think of 2021, I will always think of what I started in 2020 – My health journey. I lost approximately 40 pounds (in addition to the prior 25 pounds in 2020). I walked at least 10,000 every day. NOTE: Current streak is 659 days with 10,000 steps or more. 10,000 steps is approximately 5 miles. My average daily steps is just under 16,000 step or approximately 7 miles per day. My eating has improved. I feel much better now than I did at the begining of 2021. Though I remain 10-12 pounds away from my revised goal and haven’t fully incorporated a fitness routine beyond walking, I still consider 2021 to be a success.
  2. 2021 is the year my youngest child graduated from high school and all that entails. I enjoyed a spring of “final” events. It culminated in his graduation in late May. I enjoyed his final high school tennis season. I enjoyed his graduation ceremony. I enjoyed his graduation party. I enjoyed going to the graduation parties of his friends. Though it was series of final events, it was also a begining of new stage of life for all of us.
  3. 2021 was the year my wife and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. We celebrated the entire year. It seems foolish to celebrate only one day year! We celebrated by returning to Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. We spent our honeymoon there and have been back many times. Yet, it was the first time we had been back to the island in five years. Without a doubt, this was a highlight of our year.
  4. In July, a visit from my mother was fun. I had not seen her since the start of the pandemic. Near as I can tell, a good time was had by all.
  5. Mini-Trips. This year, my wife and I took a series of mini-trips to Minneapolis and Omaha. These trips allowed us to visit our children, visit old friends and make new friends.

This list is not exhaustive. It includes many of my favorite moments from 2021. My initial list was very short. But as I thought about the past year, I recognized all the great moments that happened this past year. What are your greatest moments of 2021?