Category: Uncategorized

Life Events

Throughout my professional career, I have consistently advised adults to establish an estate plan. A well-crafted estate plan helps prevent family conflicts, reduce taxes and expenses, and provides clear guidance on how assets should be distributed. I also recommend that individuals review and update their estate plans after significant life events, such as a death, birth, marriage, or divorce. After this past weekend, I am adding college graduation to that list of important events.

This past weekend, our youngest child graduated from university, and I couldn’t be prouder of him. Watching him grow and mature over the last four years has been incredibly rewarding. As I observed friends, family, and others interacting during this significant occasion, I found myself reflecting on a few key points.

First, I was struck by the importance relationships that were formed over these years. Second, I was reminded of how quickly time passes; it feels like just yesterday when we dropped him off at school. Lastly, I was reminded of the importance of higher education.

My university years were quite a while ago, but many of the relationships I formed during that time still play a significant role in my life today. Watching my son interact with his friends and their families brings a smile to my face; they are wonderful people. As the graduates transition to the next phase of their lives, I hope they continue to nurture their relationships, even as they scatter across the country.

As I write this blog post from my now-quiet empty nest, I can hardly wrap my head around how swiftly time has passed. It feels like just yesterday we were dropping him off at his freshman dorm, filled with a mix of excitement and apprehension. His brief visits home during breaks often left me wishing for just a little more time together, and our trips to his university town were far too few. Yet, here I am, in a surprising twist, sending him a checklist to gear up for moving out of his apartment and into a house of his own. How did we get here so fast?

As a former university professor, I have attended numerous graduation ceremonies. While many share similar elements, my son’s graduation truly reaffirmed the importance of higher education. In recent years, higher education has faced significant scrutiny, and in some cases, this criticism is warranted.

As a student, my university required every student to take a capstone course centered around the essential question, “How then shall we live?” This course encouraged us to explore, connect, and discuss what we had learned throughout our time at the university. My simple takeaway, both then and now, is that higher education serves at least three important functions.

First, it develops and expands our knowledge base. Second, it cultivates essential soft skills, including critical thinking, adaptability, time management, commitment, and improved communication. Lastly, and most importantly, it highlights the importance of building and engaging in a strong community.

What resonated with me was the vital role that universities play in fostering community. A good university gathers a diverse array of individuals—each with their own backgrounds, perspectives, and aspirations—and creates an environment where collaboration and growth can flourish. This sentiment was articulated by both the president of the university and the commencement speaker, who emphasized the importance of this collective journey. They encouraged us to recognize our shared responsibility in using our unique talents and experiences to contribute positively to the world.

2024 – Time to Review

In “40 Chances: Finding Hope in a Hungry World,” Howard G. Buffett shares his personal journey of using his wealth and influence to combat global hunger and poverty. Drawing from his experiences as a farmer and philanthropist, Buffett reflects on the 40 opportunities—referred to as “chances”—that a person has in their lifetime to create a meaningful impact. Essentially, each chance represents a year or a growing season.

The title and premise of the book are particularly impactful, highlighting the limited nature of our opportunities. Regardless of whether we analyze our chances over years, months, weeks, or days, it is essential to recognize that we are afforded a finite number of opportunities in life. This understanding encourages me to make the most of every moment.

As we near the end of the year, I find myself reflecting on my year. This time signifies both closure and the promise of new beginnings. Over the couple of days, I will review my goals and aspirations for 2024. While I have celebrated some victories, there have also been moments when I fell short. When January 1st arrives, I plan to take the time not only to dream but also to set purposeful goals for 2025. Here’s to the new opportunities that lie ahead!

2024 Gratitude Challege – Day 7

This post will be somewhat more detailed than usual. While I aim to avoid political debates here, it’s important to acknowledge the recent election. For some, yesterday was a moment of celebration, while for others, it brought feelings of sadness and confusion. Observations from social media suggest that the divisive climate surrounding elections is expected to continue in the future.

Honestly, yesterday was just another day for me; the core of who I am hasn’t shifted. My commitment to acting with virtue, kindness, and fairness remains unwavering. Earlier this year, I shared my thoughts on the significance of discovering our common ground, and that message still resonates deeply with me. Let’s keep striving to connect and understand one another. Be grateful for our similarities and our differences.

The picture at the top of this post is from my garage. It reminds me that I have some recycling work to do. Additionally, we get a lot of packages at our house. Perhaps we purchased too much stuff.

While I support capitalism and the free market, I question how much consumption is truly necessary. Can you resist the temptation of excessive consumerism? Instead of indulging yourself today, think about treating someone else or contributing to a worthy cause—or both.

It is easy to praise providence for anything that may happen if you have two qualities: a complete view of what has actually happened in each instance and a sense of gratitude. Without gratitude what is the point of seeing, and without seeing what is the object of gratitude?—EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 1.6.1–2

Day 4 – 2024 Gratitude Challenge

As I take a moment to write this, I’m gearing up to spend a few cherished hours in the here and now, watching my beloved Minnesota Vikings. I know how important it is to focus on the present, which means setting aside the distractions of past regrets and future uncertainties. It’s a gentle reminder that being fully present can bring joy and connection. This was the challenge for Day 3.

It is also important to spend time reflecting on the past. We often overlook the true value of a moment. Consider the memories that brighten your life—what are the ones that make you smile, laugh, or even bring a heartwarming tear to your eye? Take a journey down memory lane and share those beautiful moments with your family and friends. Remember to reach out to those who played a part in creating those memories with you. Celebrate the connections that make those memories so extraordinary!

At the top of this post is a picture that holds a special place in my heart. It is from the Black Hills, a region I haven’t called home for a while. Nevertheless, the memories I’ve created there are vivid and alive, each serving as a beautiful reminder of the adventures and moments that have shaped me.

4 Years

As I post this, I will be on a reflective walk to remember a difficult time.

This is a story that many people have heard before. It all started on September 4, 2020, when my oldest brother tested positive for the Covid19 virus. This was a time when there were no known effective treatments or vaccines available. He had to isolate himself until he was no longer showing any symptoms. According to common wisdom, if you could make it through 11 days from the diagnosis without experiencing major symptoms, chances were that you would be fine. September 15 would be Day 11.

For the most part, I received good reports about my brother: oxygen levels were good, temperature was mostly good, and no breathing problems. I remained cautiously optimistic. We just needed to get to day 11.

On the afternoon of September 14th, I received a report that my brother was feeling a bit agitated and had a slight fever. He was given something to help reduce his temperature. I was disappointed he still had a slight fever as I wanted all symptoms gone. Unfortunately, this would be the last report I received.

At approximately 2:00 am, I was awoken by the sound of the doorbell and my dog’s barking. When I opened the door, I was met by a local police officer who delivered the unfortunate news that my brother had passed away in his sleep. Regrettably, he became the 200th person in South Dakota to succumb to COVID-19.

It’s been four years since this happened. This day brings up a lot of emotions, but most of all, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I mourn the fact that my brother spent the last 10 days of his life in isolation. I grieve for the many who lost their lives to this virus. It’s heartbreaking that a virus became a tool for political gain. But above all, I miss my brother dearly. Although I didn’t visit him as often as I should have, he was always in my thoughts.

Memories of A Legend

A few days ago, I was saddened to hear about the passing of Phil Donahue. He was a trailblazing figure in the realm of daily television talk shows for close to three decades. Renowned for his timely and thought-provoking content, Donahue’s shows were not only engaging but also often sparked important discussions. One of his signature trademarks was conducting interviews while strolling through the studio, creating an interactive and dynamic atmosphere. His show was also known for actively involving the studio audience and taking phone calls from viewers.

Even though Donahue was talented, he wasn’t my preferred choice as an interviewer. In the photo above, Donahue is shown alongside my all-time favorite interviewer, my mother. I can still recall my mom’s infectious enthusiasm as she eagerly prepared for her trip to Chicago to meet and interview Donahue. After her return, her excitement remained as she vividly described the entire experience.

My mom had a real talent for connecting with people, whether they were everyday individuals or celebrities. Some might call me biased, but I truly believe she was even better at it than the famous talk show hosts. Luckily for me, being a mother was her true passion, and she excelled at that, too.

Even though I miss her dearly, I’m filled with immense gratitude for everything she brought into my life. The photo of Phil Donahue captures the same sentiment, radiating warmth and thankfulness. “With Gratitude”

Day 13 Beautiful Things

The power of music is undeniable. It has the ability to transform our emotions, making us want to dance and sing. It even has the magical ability to transport us through time by triggering long-forgotten memories.

This year, one of my favorite singers released a new single. Billy Joel has been creating incredible music for over 50 years. His latest single “Turn the Lights Back On” is amazing. Lately, I’ve been really connecting with this particular song. It’s filled with meaningful messages and is just so beautiful. If you want to experience it, you can watch the video by clicking on the link above, or you can take it in by reading the lyrics posted below.

Lyrics

Please open the door
Nothing is different, we’ve been here before
Pacing these halls
Trying to talk over the silence
And pride sticks out its tongue
Laughs at the portrait that we’ve become
Stuck in a frame, unable to change
I was wrong

I’m late, but I’m here right now
Though I used to be romantic
I forgot somehow
Time can make you blind
But I see you now
As we’re laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?

Here, stuck on a hill
Outsiders inside the home that we built
The cold settles in
It’s been a long winter of indifference
And maybe you love me, maybe you don’t
Maybe you’ll learn to, and maybe you won’t
You’ve had enough, but I won’t give up
On you

I’m late, but I’m here right now
And I’m tryin’ to find the magic
That we lost somehow
Maybe I was blind
But I see you now
As we’re laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?

I’m late, but I’m here right now
Is there still time for forgiveness?
Won’t you tell me how?
I can’t read your mind
But I see you now
As we’re layin’ in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?

I’m here right now
Yes, I’m here right now
Looking for forgiveness
I can see as we’re laying in the darkness
Yeah, as we’re laying in the darkness
Did I wait too long
To turn the lights back on?

Certainly Beautiful Day 1

Let’s always remember to find the beauty in the world, despite its uncertainties. Starting today, I will capture one beautiful thing each day for the next 30 days and share it.

These little ducklings jumped one by one on to this rock in pond. Mom swam close by occassioinly making a noise or two.

As Many With as Without


“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” – Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

 

Time is an interesting concept. Today is a day that marks a significant moment in my life. Many years ago, on this day, I was born into this world. As I grow older, I am reminded that each birthday is a precious gift and should be celebrated.

This weekend, I’m just not feeling the birthday cheer. It’s the eighth time my birthday has landed on a Saturday, and it always sends me on a trip down memory lane.

On a beautifully sunny birthday, I was enjoying a morning round of golf with two new friends in a new town. As we strolled off the green of our 12th hole and headed towards the 13th tee, a young man in a golf cart handed me an urgent note from the pro shop. Written in striking red ink, the note read, “Paramedics called. Call your mom at home.”

This was before cell phones became prevalent. As I was at the furthest point on the course from the clubhouse, I rode back to the clubhouse with the young man. While I did not know exactly what had happened, I knew this ride would be a turning point in my life.

As I reached the clubhouse, I called my mother and received devastating news. She informed me that my father had passed away and asked me to return home immediately. It was difficult to comprehend – I had just hugged him less than 12 hours before. It felt like a surreal and heartbreaking moment. The next day was Father’s Day.

I continue to feel a deep sense of sadness about my father not being here. I often find myself wishing he could have met my wife and sons, and for them to have had the opportunity to meet him.

Today feels like a significant turning point. My father has been absent from my life for as long as he was present. In recent years, I’ve pondered how I would feel. I can confirm that little has changed as I write this.

So forgive me if I don’t want to celebrate or play golf this weekend. Maybe I will have a shot whisky or glass of wine in his honor, but there won’t be a party.

March Sadness

March is a month of transformation and growth. It marks the shift from winter to spring, from darkness to light, and from barrenness to fertility. Moreover, for those who follow college basketball, it is the most thrilling three weeks of the year. At one time, I also regarded it as a month of change and evolution.

In March, I am reminded of what was. It marks her entrance into the world, her departure from it, and the cruel echo of her absence that reverberates most profoundly in my soul.

March 17 is a day of festivities, celebration, and joy for many Americans. However, on this day 18 years ago, what began as a typical day quickly turned when I received a call just before 8:00 am saying, “She is not doing very well; you should come.”

As I entered her room, my heart was racing with anticipation and fear. I could see her lying there, frail and weak. Without wasting another moment, I grabbed her hand tightly and whispered, “Mom, I am here.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, as if she had been waiting for me to arrive. It was a moment of profound sadness and unspoken love. As I stood there, trying to process what had just happened, I knew I needed my wife by my side. So, I quickly dialed her number and asked her to come.

“I hope you never hear those words. Your mom. She died. They are different than other words. They are too big to fit in your ears. They belong to some strange, heavy, powerful language that pounds away at the side of your head, a wrecking ball coming at you again and again, until finally, the words crack a hole large enough to fit inside your brain. And in so doing, they split you apart.” 

For One More Day – Mitch Albom

The next few hours were a whirlwind of emotions. Phone calls were made to family and friends to let them know about what had happened. Amidst all the chaos, there was one promise that had to be kept. It was St Patrick’s Day and we had promised our two-year-old son that he could watch the parade. Despite the heavy heart, we wanted to make sure he got to experience the joy and excitement of the parade. It was a bittersweet moment, knowing that our little one had no idea of the tragedy that had struck. It would be great if we could all take a break from the chaos and simply soak in the joy of a parade. Sadly, that wasn’t my experience. Even though my son was having a blast, I couldn’t shake off this feeling of emptiness.

As the years have passed since my mother’s passing, I have hoped that the feeling of emptiness would eventually go away. Unfortunately, it hasn’t. Every year in March, I find myself drawn to “For One More Day” by Mitch Albom. One of my favorite quotes from the book is “Sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them.” Therefore, I encourage you to share the story of a loved one who is no longer with us as you go about your day today.