Why Gratitude?

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

There is a lot bad and suffering in this world. There is little to nothing I can do about most of it. However, I can choose my attitude and response. Like many, my attitude and response is often less than ideal.

Over the next 30 days, I plan to post little gratitude challenges daily. Example – At least one day, I will challenge readers to pay it forward buy buying a stranger coffee or a meal. It might make you feel better and make the recipient feel even better. It would be wonderful if gratitude challenge participants posted about what they did so we can all share. Many find it helpful to to journal so write it down and see if your attitude improves.

Oh, and if the spirit moves you, hand out candy to complete strangers today.

The Week Ahead

I try to set aside time each Sunday to plan the upcoming week. This week, like most, is full of meetings and to-do lists. Halloween will soon be over and the Hallmark Channel Countdown to Christmas steps it up. Personally, I am looking foward to A Biltmore Christmas debuting on November 26. I digress.

Since 2020, I have done a gratitude challenge in November. There is research that supports the benefits of gratitude. I have found no research that indicates gratitude causes harm. So, if you take the challenge, your worst outcome is you spend time being grateful. I have planned the first few days and will write every day in November.

Want to get started early? Write down three things you are grateful for today. Family? Food? Health? Write them down and think about them for a minute. Did you notice a change in your attitude?

Have a great week!

When the past meets the present

It has been a while since I have written here. As usual, life gets in the way and writing becomes less of a priority. I hope to change this as November is just around the corner and I am planning another 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge.

Technology is amazing. This weekend I read an article about a student at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln who used technology to “unroll” carbonised scrolls found in the ruins of Pompeii. With the assistance of technology, we may be able to rediscover a library that is nearly 2000 years old. Perhaps we will learn about things lost to time.

In my own life, technology allows me to listen to virtually any song I want. I have thousands of movies and TV shows available at the click of a button. More importantly, technology allowed me to find my past and make it the present.

I have previously written about my adoption reunion. Technology (23&Me and Ancenstry.com) made the reunion possible. What readers may not know is that I have sister who died before I was born. My parents rarely (once or twice) talked about her. I didn’t ask. All I knew was an approximate year and location of her her birth and death. When my father passed away, my mom included my sister on their headstone.

It’s strange feeling a connection to someone you never met. Yet, I have always felt a connection. I few years ago, I used technolgoy to locate my sister. I was able to find and who died at three days old. I used findagrave.com to locate the cemetery where she was buried. I was able to use the cemetery website to locate her gravesite.

She is buried in Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis. It is a beatuful cemetery located south of uptown Minneapolis next to Bde Maka Ska. “Long considered one of the most beautiful cemeteries in the country, it was modeled after the rural cemeteries of 19th-century France, such as Père-Lachaise in Paris.”

Her grave is tucked in the south end of the cemetery near service building in a secluded area. She is buried in area with other children. In her “row” of 18 children, the oldest is 8. Eleven of the eighteen chilrden liast an age of zero. Most of the graves are unmarked (12 of 18). I have visted her gravesite several times over the past few years. It is a very peaceful but sad place.

The first time I visited, I was shocked that my sisters grave was one of the unmarked graves. Over the next few years, I wondered why my parents would not mark her grave. It bothered me. It bothered me so much that earlier this year, I contacted the cemetery about placing a headstone. After some conversations, we agreed upon a design. It is made from grantie quarried in South Dakota. I was told the earliest it would be ready would be spring of 2024. Imagine my joy last week when the cemetery sent me the picture attached to this blog post.

Soon I will visit and beable to know exactly where my sister is buried. So will others who may vist that area of the cemetery where the past meets the present.

Below are the names of the other children buried in my sisters row. I place them here to make sure they are not forgotten.

  1. ELSIE J FERGUSON
  2. BABY KNIGHT
  3. CHARLES R FOSTER
  4. ELIZABETH HOOVER
  5. FREDERICK NEWTON
  6. EARLING LUNDHIEM
  7. BABY ANDERSON
  8. JENNIE CATHERINE SAARE
  9. DOROTHY A. ROSCHE
  10. FLORENCE WILLIAMSON
  11. ROBBIN DARNELL THOMAS

Gotcha Day

My parents wanted to have a big family. Prior to my arrival, my parents had four biological children. Three of the four had developmental disabilities with one passing away at three days old. For many reasons, they chose to pursue adoption to expand their family.

I am eternally grateful for all she (and my dad) did in raising me. I never had to worry about clothing, food, or shelter. We took many great vacations. Holidays provided many good memories. Like many families, there were struggles and challenges but I have always known they did the best they could.

Growing up, I asked my mom a lot of questions about my adoption. She tried to answer as many as she could. One day I asked her to tell me how they got me. Was there a store? A mail-order catalog? Did I just show up on their front porch and say hello? She assured me they didn’t get me from a store or a catalog. She said my sister was just teasing when she said I was found under a rock.

All this information is good, but it didn’t answer the question. How did you get me? My mother began to tell the story about how my parents secretly met with a local adoption agency (Lutheran Social Services). My parents told very few people they were considering adoption. Back then, adoption was not a sure thing. She said they asked lots of questions about a lot of things and hoped that they answered correctly so that they could adopt. But she still didn’t answer my question.

So I asked again. How did you get me? She told me they weren’t sure they were going to get me or anyone else. However, one day long before they know of me, my mom went to see a psychic. Given this was the late 60s, I suppose she could have done worse things. She said the psychic looked at her and said “You are going to have another child but this one is different. My mom quizzically asked, “What do you mean?” The psychic looked at my mom and said, “This child will come to you on a plane.” And so it was on this day many years ago, that I flew on a plane with a lady from the adoption agency to meet my family for the first time. Some days are more important than others. This is an important day for me.

1234 and beyond

On February 29, 2020, the first death related to the coronavirus in the United States was reported. At the time nearly 3,000 people worldwide had died. Less than 100 confirmed cases existed in the United States. Little did any of us know how our lives would change over the next few weeks, months, and years.

This post isn’t about the pandemic. This post is about something else that happened on February 29, 2020. It was the last day that I took fewer than 10,000 steps. I don’t recall why I took a break from my standard step regimen that day but I did. Perhaps I was tired.

I recall that I resolved to start a new streak on March 1, 2020. My original goals were to 1) beat my old streak (which escapes me but I think was about 180 days), 2) keep the streak alive for at least 365 days, and 3) keep the streak alive for the duration of the anticipated pandemic – however long.

So here we are over three years later and the streak continues. To be precise, one thousand two hundred thirty-four days have one and gone since the last leap day. 1, 234 is a number that is orderly, progressive, and linear. A number that stands for so much.

I have faced many obstacles during the streak, including work, illness, weather, travel, and motivation. I have learned much about myself and achieved more than I could imagine. Mostly, I have learned to believe in myself and work steadily each day. I am proud of the streak.

Earlier in the streak, I averaged over 20,000 steps a day. My current trend is averaging 12,000-13,000 steps per day. So the pace is slowing but the drive to keep it going is not. Someday, the streak will end. Yesterday was not the day it ended. I have no plans to end it today either.

Communication and Storytelling

I have quietly been working on several post ideas. Yet, I have not completed them. I want to write and publish posts I love. This post has been in the hopper too long and needs to come out. I do not love this post. This post has taught me that communicating a good story is hard to do.

Recently, I watched the final episode of Ted Lasso (assuming season 3 is the last). I’ve enjoyed the show since I stumbled upon it by chance during season 1. The writing, the characters (and character development), the setting, and the story are wonderful.

It is a show about hope and optimism. One article describes the show as “a pandemic bastion, to be sure, a paean to the kind of niceness and positivity we’d like to believe will win the day amid a world that grows more cynical every passing moment.” Sure it gets a little over the top with its positivity, but it has a great message. Also, it is littered with 80s references that take me to a happy time in my life.

The show teaches (or reminds us of) many lessons. Here are three things I take away from this series. First, search for alternative explanations. Don’t always assume the worst. Perhaps someone is having a bad day, week, month, or even year. Next, the show demonstrates the importance of giving and receiving grace. Finally, the show demonstrates and enforces the importance of storytelling.

Fans of the show will remember the dart scene in Season 1. This scene is an example of great storytelling. In less than four minutes we learn a lot about Ted. We learn Ted played darts with his dad. We learn his dad passed away when he was 16. We see what happens we assume things about people. We learn to focus on ourselves and not what others think of us. We learn to not underestimate people. Perhaps most importantly, we learn to be curious about other stories. Thank you storytelling!

Storytelling allows humans to connect the present to the past. It allows us to explore and understand the human experience – both now and in the past. Storytelling allows us to look backward to find solutions to current challenges. During a season 3 episode, Ted’s son, ex-wife, and her boyfriend visit. During the visit, Ted feels the strain of being a distant parent (he lives in the UK while his son lives in the US). He longs to be closer and more connected with his son. Ted believes he is missing too much by being on another continent. Additionally, Ted is distracted. Ted is preoccupied with a trip his ex-wife takes to Paris with her boyfriend. Ted frets about whether she will get engaged in Paris. He is so distracted that he isn’t present for his son and his son feels alone and alienated.

But storytelling to the rescue! Late in the episode, Ted, his son, and Coach Beard are sitting outside the pub on Richmond Green listening to a man perform songs. In the scene, Ted’s son recognizes the performer playing the Beatles song Hey Jude. Because Ted loves the Beatles, so does his son. Yet, Ted barely acknowledges the recognition and steps away to take a phone call. The dialogue between Coach Beard and Ted’s son demonstrates why we need stories Coach Beard ties the lyrics and genesis of the songt to the current situation with Ted’s son together. The viewer and Ted’s son is left with a better understanding of the current situation. Take a sad song and make it better.

Shortly after this episode aired, I listened to a podcast by Scott Galloway aka Prof G. I like listening to Prof. G. He is insightful and sharp. While I don’t always agree, I always learn something from him. I enjoy his direct, off-color, and occasionally bombastic style. He is wicked smart and brutally honest. His May 5, 2023 musing ponders the importance of storytelling. When asked which skill kids should acquire to best compete in the modern economy: Galloway unequivocally answers – storytelling.

Galloway argues that “Communities with larger proportions of skilled storytellers experience greater levels of cooperation.” Galloway outlines five ways to get better at storytelling. Listen – read widely and ask questions. Evaluate – Test your ideas. Frame -Find a way to express your thoughts in a compelling manner. Be Fearless – Open yourself up to the rejection of your story. Deliver – Once you know what to say, say it in as few words as possible. Overall, his point is to get in the game.

All of this prompted me to ponder the importance of human interaction. Recent changes and events have caused us to drift apart. The ease we can “communicate” via technology means many interactions are electronic only. Most of the electronic mediums, don’t allow for the personal and immediate feedback. We don’t know if our receipent has received our message. Often we respond without fully understanding the message. Effective and/or difficult communication is challenging electronically. Perhaps we need to do more in person.

Birthdays

For most, birthdays are significant. It marks another revolution around the sun. Another year of thriving, surviving, or something in between. It is a cause for celebration and reflection.

Today I am celebrating another year. The older I get, the more precious these are. We all have friends and family who will not see another birthday.

I have not always been in a celebratory mood on my birthday. If you recall my last post, I talked about the last time I saw my father. Originally, I wasn’t going to stop at the house to see him that night. Why would I stop? After all, I was going to see him the next day when we gathered to celebrate my birthday.

For many years my birthday has been a painful reminder of one of my darkest days. I can still hear the quiver in my mother’s voice as she told me my father had unexpectedly passed away. I remember the spot I was standing when I received word. I was golfing at the time and had to tell the golf group what had happened. We were all young, far too young to experience this.

Since that day, I have worked to use the day not only to reflect and mourn what was lost that day but also to celebrate. So today, I will take time to reflect on my father. The gifts he gave me. I’ll tell him what has happened over the last year. I will honor him.

I will also celebrate. My celebration today will be different. Today, for the first time, I will be celebrating my birthday with the woman the gave birth to me. So today should be a very good day.

27 years

The picture attached to this post is of my father. This picture captures so much about him.

You can see the intensity in his eyes and his constant drive for precision and perfection. His subtle smile lets you know his joy of sailing and being captain of the ship. His firm yet relaxed grip on the tiller lets all know he was in control. Though his smile wasn’t always present, the other traits were.

Perhaps the only things missing in this photo are a cigarette and a martini. But perhaps he didn’t need those when he was captain of the ship.

Today marks 27 years since I last saw him alive. I still remember the voice telling me to stop by my parent’s house that night. I remember having a great conversation with my dad though I do not recall what we discussed. I remember hugging him, telling him I would see him tomorrow, that I loved him and leaving. And I remember the phone call with my mother the following day when she told me the terrible news that my father had died. I remember all of it like it was yesterday. But it wasn’t yesterday it was 27 years ago.

Sireadh Toileachas

It has been some time since I have blogged. I have many excuses. Work is busy. Life is busy. The dog ate my computer. But the truth is I have not made writing a priority.

Those that have followed this blog (all 5 of you) may notice I have changed the title. The new title is Sireadh Toileachas – which means seek happiness in Gaelic (Scottish). I changed the title for a few reasons. First, change is good. Though I am uncomfortable with change, my life is better when I include change – hopefully for the better. Second, Scotland is in my blood. According to Ancestry DNA, I am 18% Scottish – also 28% England & Northwestern Europe, 14% Irish, and 5% Welsh. 23andMe classifies me as 58.7 British & Irish – clearly they don’t know there is a difference!!! Also, my middle name is Scottish. Third, I recently returned from a trip to Scotland and remain in love with the country.

But the most important reason, is I haven’t been as happy or healthy in recent months. The title was no longer accurate. A new title is needed to better reflect where I am. Further, the new title describes happiness as a journey rather than a destination.

I believe it is better to focus on the journey than the destination. I’ll write more about the experience of the journey. This may include a discussion of things I am working on to improve the world around me. This could include things that I have tried that didn’t work. It will definitely include any travel or adventures.

This blog and adventure began with my description of my three steps to success – focus, facts, and forgiveness. Focus on what you want to achieve AND why. Gather the facts, prepare a plan based on facts, implement the plan, and make adjustments. Finally, forgive yourself when you lose focus or deviate from the plan. Forgiveness allows you to restart the journey.

In recent months, I forgot about the importance of these three steps. As a result, I have slipped. Bill Gates gave a commencement speech titled “5 things I wish I heard at the graduation I never had”. He reminded all that life is not a one-act play. So, it’s time to start over and make health and happiness a priority. Over the last few years, I have relearned that life is full of second chances.

I close with an interesting anecdote about the new title. After I decided on the title, I typed the name into a search engine to find out more information and verify its meaning. Unfortunately, my short and chubby fingers accidentally misspelled the title. Instead of Sireadh Toilechas, I typed Sireadh Touleachas. Only one letter different but completely different meaning. Turns out Sireadh Touleachas means “seek help.” While I find this phrase wise and I try to apply it in my life, it is not the title I want for my blog. So for now, the title is Sireadh Toilechas – seek happiness.

Until next time – Slàinte Mhath – look it up.

Behind Every Picture is a Story

It’s been a while since I posted here. I could provide a list of excuses but that is all they are. Today, I want to talk about pictures, the stories they tell, and the stories behind them.

I have always loved taking pictures. From my first Kodak Instamtic to my present Nikon Z6, I have loved to capture moments. I don’t like to stage the moments (which is why I abhor portrait photography). I refused to spend money on a “good” camera for many years because it was just a hobby. Then one year I asked my wife to buy me a camera for Christmas – which she did!

I started by taking pictures of the birds in our backyard. When the snow melted, I took pictures of my son playing tennis.

Any parent who has watched his/her child compete in sports understands how nerve-racking this can be. I found it calmed my nerves. It allowed me to enjoy watching my son and his friends play without excessive nervousness. So I kept doing it.

Taking pictures of my son playing tennis evolved into taking pictures of my son, his team, and his friends. Eventually, I started taking pictures at Augustana sporting events. Sharing the pictures with the student-athletes and coaches. (I have taken pictures at all sports except golf (I tried but got the time wrong), track, and cross-country (maybe someday).

(still my favorite picture)

Truth is, I am not very good but I occasionally get lucky. I have no formal training. For every picture that turns out, there are ten failures. I have spent countless hours going through the pictures and deleting them. Nobody sees that side of the hobby.

I try to capture moments – like this.

And action like this.

Behind every picture is a story. The picture at the top of this post has a great story. I will think of the story every time I look at it. It’s not a great-quality picture BUT it captured a moment. The picture is of legendary Augustana basketball coach Dave Krauth. Since 1989, he has been the Head Women’s Basketball coach at Augustana University. Thirty-two seasons with only one season below .500. He coached his last game this week. A heartbreaking one-point loss in the NCAA Tournament.

I took this picture a couple of weeks ago. It was taken during the pregame of his final coaching win. I was wandering around the arena during warmups. As Coach Krauth was heading into the locker room, a fan named Scottie (if have been to Augie games you know who this is) began thanking Coach Krauth for his service and wishing him good luck in the game. It was a special conversation. As the conversation started, my camera was off and the lens cap was on. I noticed the smile on Coach Krauth’s face. It was genuine, kind, and rare in the arena. Quickly, I turned my camera on, removed the lens cap, and tried to capture the moment.

My autofocus didn’t fully focus and my framing was off. Yet, I mostly captured this moment. This picture will always be special to me because I know the story behind the picture. And now you know the rest of the story.