Day 4 Gratitude Challenge

I’m not going to lie about yesterday. While I tried to smile all day, I spent much of the day focused on the various tasks at hand. The highlight of my day was taking picture at a tennis fundraiser. Based on my first review of the pictures, it was clear that many had read my blog, because there were lots of smiles. Seeing the smiles in the pictures. Makes me feel better about my day.

Day 4 is a bit easier than the other days. Today is a pay it forward day. At least once today, buy something for a stranger. If you’re in a drive-through and a coffee shop or restaurant, pay for the car behind you if you’re at a restaurant, pick a table and pay for their meal. Bonus points if you do it anonymously and stay to watch the reactions. Also, don’t forget to set your clocks back tonight and enjoy the extra hour of sleep!

Day 3 Gratitude Challenge

What things did you notice and appreciate yesterday? The first thing I noticed was the stillness as I walked my dog in the morning. There was no wind. If you live where I do, you understand what gift that is. I noticed the beautiful sky as I drove to work. I had an amazing soup and salad for lunch at MB Haskett. Listened to Condoleezza Rice discuss the current state of foreign affairs and the potential impact on markets. When you look for the little things, they are easier to find. At the end of the day I had a smile.

The challenge for today is to continue my smile. Smile all day long. Since it is Friday, and the weekend is upon us, this should be fairly easy. Smile as often as you can today. Walk into every room, including the bathroom with a smile. Sit at your desk and smile. If you’re talking on the phone, smile. See how your smile impacts people around you. Most will smile back. Some will wonder what you’re up to which might make smile more or laugh. And while you’re smiling, try to notice the little things and don’t complain!

Hopefully, when, reflecting on the day, you will find it was a good day. And you will smile again. Even my dog smiles!!

Day 2 – Gratitude Challenge

If I am being honest, the first day of this challenge is always hard. I have perfectionist tendencies. Towards that end, no complaining means just that. Did I make it through the entire day without complaining? No. I struggle with difficult customers/clients, other drivers, and traffic regulation systems.

While I wasn’t perfect, I interrupted the complaining before it became a derailer. Additionally, when people asked how things were, I responded “No complaints!”

A note of perfection. It is the lowest standard. It sets you up for failure because it is unattainable. Don’t strive for perfection, strive for excellence.

For Day 2, the challenge requires you to focus on the little things. There are so many things in life that we overlook, ignore, or disregard. Sometimes this is intentional but often it is not. For instance, do you have a reliable mode of transportation? Do you have a roof over your head? Clean water? Basic food? Notice a small thing about someone you care about. Take moments today to focus on the little things that you do have. Consider the benefits these little things provide. Make a list. Appreciate the list.

The picture at the top of this post is one of those little things. I took this picture while on vacation this summer. My wife and I were walking back to our hotel after a wonderful dinner. I looked up and saw this. What a beautiful view. It’s the little things. So today, look around and see the beauty

Day 1 Gratitude Challenge

“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will – then your life will flow well.” -Epictetus

I borrowed this quote from the November 1st entry of The Daily Stoic: 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living. I have enjoyed this book over the past couple of years. It offers short daily guides on stoicism and life.

The entry also sets the stage for Day 1 of the Gratitude Challenge. Often we spend much of our day hoping everything will go our way. Often it doesn’t go as planned. It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to whine. It’s easy to blame others. Yet, we ALWAYS have the choice to choose our attitude. So today, make the choice to not whine or complain. Do this all day.

When tempted by the negative, turn it into a positive. Use positive words over negative words. Thrive rather than survive. Be aware of your internal (and external) dialogue. Does this make a difference? Share your thoughts here, on Facebook, in your journal, with a friend.

Ultimately, work on feeling gratitude for what has happened to you. It made you who you are.

“Don’t be overheard complaining…Not even to yourself.”  

— Marcus Aurelius, 8.9

Mostly, I hope you have a great day.

Why Gratitude?

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

There is a lot bad and suffering in this world. There is little to nothing I can do about most of it. However, I can choose my attitude and response. Like many, my attitude and response is often less than ideal.

Over the next 30 days, I plan to post little gratitude challenges daily. Example – At least one day, I will challenge readers to pay it forward buy buying a stranger coffee or a meal. It might make you feel better and make the recipient feel even better. It would be wonderful if gratitude challenge participants posted about what they did so we can all share. Many find it helpful to to journal so write it down and see if your attitude improves.

Oh, and if the spirit moves you, hand out candy to complete strangers today.

The Week Ahead

I try to set aside time each Sunday to plan the upcoming week. This week, like most, is full of meetings and to-do lists. Halloween will soon be over and the Hallmark Channel Countdown to Christmas steps it up. Personally, I am looking foward to A Biltmore Christmas debuting on November 26. I digress.

Since 2020, I have done a gratitude challenge in November. There is research that supports the benefits of gratitude. I have found no research that indicates gratitude causes harm. So, if you take the challenge, your worst outcome is you spend time being grateful. I have planned the first few days and will write every day in November.

Want to get started early? Write down three things you are grateful for today. Family? Food? Health? Write them down and think about them for a minute. Did you notice a change in your attitude?

Have a great week!

When the past meets the present

It has been a while since I have written here. As usual, life gets in the way and writing becomes less of a priority. I hope to change this as November is just around the corner and I am planning another 30 Days of Gratitude Challenge.

Technology is amazing. This weekend I read an article about a student at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln who used technology to “unroll” carbonised scrolls found in the ruins of Pompeii. With the assistance of technology, we may be able to rediscover a library that is nearly 2000 years old. Perhaps we will learn about things lost to time.

In my own life, technology allows me to listen to virtually any song I want. I have thousands of movies and TV shows available at the click of a button. More importantly, technology allowed me to find my past and make it the present.

I have previously written about my adoption reunion. Technology (23&Me and Ancenstry.com) made the reunion possible. What readers may not know is that I have sister who died before I was born. My parents rarely (once or twice) talked about her. I didn’t ask. All I knew was an approximate year and location of her her birth and death. When my father passed away, my mom included my sister on their headstone.

It’s strange feeling a connection to someone you never met. Yet, I have always felt a connection. I few years ago, I used technolgoy to locate my sister. I was able to find and who died at three days old. I used findagrave.com to locate the cemetery where she was buried. I was able to use the cemetery website to locate her gravesite.

She is buried in Lakewood Cemetery in Minneapolis. It is a beatuful cemetery located south of uptown Minneapolis next to Bde Maka Ska. “Long considered one of the most beautiful cemeteries in the country, it was modeled after the rural cemeteries of 19th-century France, such as Père-Lachaise in Paris.”

Her grave is tucked in the south end of the cemetery near service building in a secluded area. She is buried in area with other children. In her “row” of 18 children, the oldest is 8. Eleven of the eighteen chilrden liast an age of zero. Most of the graves are unmarked (12 of 18). I have visted her gravesite several times over the past few years. It is a very peaceful but sad place.

The first time I visited, I was shocked that my sisters grave was one of the unmarked graves. Over the next few years, I wondered why my parents would not mark her grave. It bothered me. It bothered me so much that earlier this year, I contacted the cemetery about placing a headstone. After some conversations, we agreed upon a design. It is made from grantie quarried in South Dakota. I was told the earliest it would be ready would be spring of 2024. Imagine my joy last week when the cemetery sent me the picture attached to this blog post.

Soon I will visit and beable to know exactly where my sister is buried. So will others who may vist that area of the cemetery where the past meets the present.

Below are the names of the other children buried in my sisters row. I place them here to make sure they are not forgotten.

  1. ELSIE J FERGUSON
  2. BABY KNIGHT
  3. CHARLES R FOSTER
  4. ELIZABETH HOOVER
  5. FREDERICK NEWTON
  6. EARLING LUNDHIEM
  7. BABY ANDERSON
  8. JENNIE CATHERINE SAARE
  9. DOROTHY A. ROSCHE
  10. FLORENCE WILLIAMSON
  11. ROBBIN DARNELL THOMAS

Gotcha Day

My parents wanted to have a big family. Prior to my arrival, my parents had four biological children. Three of the four had developmental disabilities with one passing away at three days old. For many reasons, they chose to pursue adoption to expand their family.

I am eternally grateful for all she (and my dad) did in raising me. I never had to worry about clothing, food, or shelter. We took many great vacations. Holidays provided many good memories. Like many families, there were struggles and challenges but I have always known they did the best they could.

Growing up, I asked my mom a lot of questions about my adoption. She tried to answer as many as she could. One day I asked her to tell me how they got me. Was there a store? A mail-order catalog? Did I just show up on their front porch and say hello? She assured me they didn’t get me from a store or a catalog. She said my sister was just teasing when she said I was found under a rock.

All this information is good, but it didn’t answer the question. How did you get me? My mother began to tell the story about how my parents secretly met with a local adoption agency (Lutheran Social Services). My parents told very few people they were considering adoption. Back then, adoption was not a sure thing. She said they asked lots of questions about a lot of things and hoped that they answered correctly so that they could adopt. But she still didn’t answer my question.

So I asked again. How did you get me? She told me they weren’t sure they were going to get me or anyone else. However, one day long before they know of me, my mom went to see a psychic. Given this was the late 60s, I suppose she could have done worse things. She said the psychic looked at her and said “You are going to have another child but this one is different. My mom quizzically asked, “What do you mean?” The psychic looked at my mom and said, “This child will come to you on a plane.” And so it was on this day many years ago, that I flew on a plane with a lady from the adoption agency to meet my family for the first time. Some days are more important than others. This is an important day for me.

1234 and beyond

On February 29, 2020, the first death related to the coronavirus in the United States was reported. At the time nearly 3,000 people worldwide had died. Less than 100 confirmed cases existed in the United States. Little did any of us know how our lives would change over the next few weeks, months, and years.

This post isn’t about the pandemic. This post is about something else that happened on February 29, 2020. It was the last day that I took fewer than 10,000 steps. I don’t recall why I took a break from my standard step regimen that day but I did. Perhaps I was tired.

I recall that I resolved to start a new streak on March 1, 2020. My original goals were to 1) beat my old streak (which escapes me but I think was about 180 days), 2) keep the streak alive for at least 365 days, and 3) keep the streak alive for the duration of the anticipated pandemic – however long.

So here we are over three years later and the streak continues. To be precise, one thousand two hundred thirty-four days have one and gone since the last leap day. 1, 234 is a number that is orderly, progressive, and linear. A number that stands for so much.

I have faced many obstacles during the streak, including work, illness, weather, travel, and motivation. I have learned much about myself and achieved more than I could imagine. Mostly, I have learned to believe in myself and work steadily each day. I am proud of the streak.

Earlier in the streak, I averaged over 20,000 steps a day. My current trend is averaging 12,000-13,000 steps per day. So the pace is slowing but the drive to keep it going is not. Someday, the streak will end. Yesterday was not the day it ended. I have no plans to end it today either.

Communication and Storytelling

I have quietly been working on several post ideas. Yet, I have not completed them. I want to write and publish posts I love. This post has been in the hopper too long and needs to come out. I do not love this post. This post has taught me that communicating a good story is hard to do.

Recently, I watched the final episode of Ted Lasso (assuming season 3 is the last). I’ve enjoyed the show since I stumbled upon it by chance during season 1. The writing, the characters (and character development), the setting, and the story are wonderful.

It is a show about hope and optimism. One article describes the show as “a pandemic bastion, to be sure, a paean to the kind of niceness and positivity we’d like to believe will win the day amid a world that grows more cynical every passing moment.” Sure it gets a little over the top with its positivity, but it has a great message. Also, it is littered with 80s references that take me to a happy time in my life.

The show teaches (or reminds us of) many lessons. Here are three things I take away from this series. First, search for alternative explanations. Don’t always assume the worst. Perhaps someone is having a bad day, week, month, or even year. Next, the show demonstrates the importance of giving and receiving grace. Finally, the show demonstrates and enforces the importance of storytelling.

Fans of the show will remember the dart scene in Season 1. This scene is an example of great storytelling. In less than four minutes we learn a lot about Ted. We learn Ted played darts with his dad. We learn his dad passed away when he was 16. We see what happens we assume things about people. We learn to focus on ourselves and not what others think of us. We learn to not underestimate people. Perhaps most importantly, we learn to be curious about other stories. Thank you storytelling!

Storytelling allows humans to connect the present to the past. It allows us to explore and understand the human experience – both now and in the past. Storytelling allows us to look backward to find solutions to current challenges. During a season 3 episode, Ted’s son, ex-wife, and her boyfriend visit. During the visit, Ted feels the strain of being a distant parent (he lives in the UK while his son lives in the US). He longs to be closer and more connected with his son. Ted believes he is missing too much by being on another continent. Additionally, Ted is distracted. Ted is preoccupied with a trip his ex-wife takes to Paris with her boyfriend. Ted frets about whether she will get engaged in Paris. He is so distracted that he isn’t present for his son and his son feels alone and alienated.

But storytelling to the rescue! Late in the episode, Ted, his son, and Coach Beard are sitting outside the pub on Richmond Green listening to a man perform songs. In the scene, Ted’s son recognizes the performer playing the Beatles song Hey Jude. Because Ted loves the Beatles, so does his son. Yet, Ted barely acknowledges the recognition and steps away to take a phone call. The dialogue between Coach Beard and Ted’s son demonstrates why we need stories Coach Beard ties the lyrics and genesis of the songt to the current situation with Ted’s son together. The viewer and Ted’s son is left with a better understanding of the current situation. Take a sad song and make it better.

Shortly after this episode aired, I listened to a podcast by Scott Galloway aka Prof G. I like listening to Prof. G. He is insightful and sharp. While I don’t always agree, I always learn something from him. I enjoy his direct, off-color, and occasionally bombastic style. He is wicked smart and brutally honest. His May 5, 2023 musing ponders the importance of storytelling. When asked which skill kids should acquire to best compete in the modern economy: Galloway unequivocally answers – storytelling.

Galloway argues that “Communities with larger proportions of skilled storytellers experience greater levels of cooperation.” Galloway outlines five ways to get better at storytelling. Listen – read widely and ask questions. Evaluate – Test your ideas. Frame -Find a way to express your thoughts in a compelling manner. Be Fearless – Open yourself up to the rejection of your story. Deliver – Once you know what to say, say it in as few words as possible. Overall, his point is to get in the game.

All of this prompted me to ponder the importance of human interaction. Recent changes and events have caused us to drift apart. The ease we can “communicate” via technology means many interactions are electronic only. Most of the electronic mediums, don’t allow for the personal and immediate feedback. We don’t know if our receipent has received our message. Often we respond without fully understanding the message. Effective and/or difficult communication is challenging electronically. Perhaps we need to do more in person.